Amazing Funny Quotes

I really should do something with my life… maybe tomorrow.


Life is not about how you survive the storm, it’s about how you dance in the rain.


I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor.


The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.


The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!


All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.


Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.


I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you’ll need me to complete your picture.


When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.


Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.


God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.


“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?” -Steven Wright


“I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.”-Harry S Truman


“Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” -Marie von Ebner


“It’s a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.”-Franklin P. Jones


“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” -Dale Carnegie


“The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent upon it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.” -Galileo Galilei


“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” -Robin Williams


“Burn your computer. Blow up your TV. Bludgeon your cell phone. Breathe deeply. This, my friends, is the secret to inner-peace.” -Brian Vaszily


“When I hear someone sigh that life is hard, I am tempted to ask, ‘compared to what?’” -Sydney Harris

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