“It’s been so long since I made love, I can’t even remember who gets tied up.
“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.”
“Loving is like peeing in your pants – everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth”
“It does not matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you do not do it in the street and frighten the horses.
“No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill that comes along.”
“In the morning I can’t eat, I’m thinking of you. In the evening I can’t eat, I’m still thinking of you. In the night I can’t sleep. I’m so hungry!
“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”
“It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced.”
“Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.”
“The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.”
“Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.”
My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor
“If you do kiss a politician, remember this: You are not only kissing him, you are kissing every butt that he has kissed in the last eight years.”
“If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.”
“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.”
“A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick. A youth with his first girl makes everybody sick.”
“Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.”
“Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way.”
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale