Amazing Funny Quotes

“I love women. They’re the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that’s fine.”


“Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it.”


“Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.”


“Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.”


“If a woman tells you that she is single by choice, it’s probably because no one has chosen her.”


“A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.”


“A woman knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man, when he is in the right, will keep on talking.”

 


A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.”


God made women beautiful and foolish, … beautiful that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him.”


“It doesn’t matter how attractive someone is when you marry, even a white cat is black in the dark.”


“From what I understand about the female experience, the period should be called something more drastic, like the exclamation point.”


“Men socialize by insulting one another, but they don’t really mean it. Women socialize by complimenting one another… But they don’t really mean it, either.”


“I’m a woman.. I’m smart. I never lose an argument. I can cook. I like to read fashion magazines. I love to be right. Men don’t understand us. We must have secret powers, because I don’t understand us, either.”


“Fake hair, fake nails, fake eye lash, artificial face and sometimes fake behavior, yet a woman will say she needs a real man.”


“Don’t argue! You cannot win. You cannot beat a woman in a argument. It’s impossible. You will not win. Cause, men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense.”


School days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence. -H.L. Mencken


If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. -Edgar W. Howe


The most important thing we learn at school is the fact that the most important things can’t be learned at school. -Haruki Murakami


School is practice for future life, practice makes perfect and nobody’s perfect, so why practice


In school they told me Practice makes perfect. And then they told me Nobody’s perfect, so then I stopped practicing. -Steven Wright

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