George Carlin Quotes

George Carlin Quotes:-  George Carlin was an American actor. He was a comedian, social critic, and author. Funny George Carlin Quotes shows the fact that we consider everyone slower than us as an idiot. George Carlin Quotes on Politics favors the separation of church and state. Short George Carlin Quotes about Politicians are that they are there to demand freedom for you. George Carlin Quotes on Guns favors keeping guns to protect yourself. George Carlin Quotes on America says that the biggest problem is everyone can become president. George Carlin Quotes about Christmas are about jolliness of Santa. Inspirational George Carlin Quotes suggest us to go for religion that let you live your dreams. George Carlin Quotes on Life says that the moments that take your breath away are real life. Short George Carlin Quotes on Thanksgiving focuses on having a different thanksgiving style. George Carlin Quotes on Valentine’s Day puts the demand to have a day devoted to hatred. George Carlin Quotes on Cancer link cancer to world. George Carlin Censorship Quotes talks about the choices of people. George Carlin Quotes about Cats talk about the bond with a pet. Short George Carlin Quotes on Death calls death as good news for senior citizens. George Carlin Quotes Freak Show give an idea of life in America. George Carlin Quotes about Food talk about the eating choices of George. George Carlin Quotes There is no Present believe that no present exists. George Carlin Quotes We Drink Too Much teach us to live life. Short George Carlin Quotes about Michael Jackson let us think about his success. George Carlin Quotes Never Underestimate the Power focuses on the power of stupid people. Short George Carlin Quotes Weather Forecast talk about the weather forecasting of a night. George Carlin Quotes on Jesus talk about the powers of Jesus.

Funny George Carlin Quotes

George Carlin Quotes Funny George Carlin Quotes George Carlin Quotes on Politics George Carlin Quotes about Politicians George Carlin Quotes on Guns George Carlin Quotes on America George Carlin Quotes about Christmas Inspirational George Carlin Quotes George Carlin Quotes on Life George Carlin Quotes on Thanks Giving George Carlin Quotes on Valentine's Day George Carlin Quotes on Cancer George Carlin Censorship Quotes George Carlin Quotes about Cats George Carlin Quotes on Death George Carlin Quotes Freak Show George Carlin Quotes about Food George Carlin Quotes There is no Present George Carlin Quotes We Drink Too Much George Carlin Quotes about Michael Jackson George Carlin Quotes on Jesus George Carlin Quotes Never Underestimate the Power George Carlin Quotes Weather Forecast 90+【George Carlin Quotes】- The American Comedian Get The Unique Collection of George Carlin Quotes. These Amazing Politics And Inspirational Yet Cancer Quotation Are About Food, Jesus, Forecast, Freak Show, Cats, America, Guns, Life And so on.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.


Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?


What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?


Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.


George Carlin Quotes on Politics

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.


I’m completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.


I call him Governor Bush because that’s the only political office he’s ever held legally in this country. I don’t care where they hang his portrait, I don’t care how big his library is. To me, he’ll always be Governor Bush. I don’t even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.


Short George Carlin Quotes about Politicians

Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t.


Voting is a meaningless exercise. I’m not going to waste my time with it. These parties, these politicians are given to us as a way of making us feel we have freedom of choice. But we don’t. Everything is done to you in this country.


These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.


Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don’t kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.


George Carlin Quotes on Guns

I believe my first duty is to survive. And I’m not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I’ll get one. And I’ll use it.


They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!


You can’t be the fastest gun in town forever. There comes a time when you’re not the golden boy, and you have to go off somewhere and figure yourself out.


The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.


George Carlin Quotes on America

Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? We have the war on crime, the war on
cancer, the war on drugs. But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? You know why? Because there’s no money in that problem. No money to be made off of the homeless. If you can find a solution to homelessness where the corporations and politicians can make a few million dollars each, you will see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty damn quick!


In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.


George Carlin Quotes about Christmas

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”


Inspirational George Carlin Quotes

Religion is like a pair of shoes.. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.


The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.


What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?


Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.


George Carlin Quotes on Life

Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.


Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.


The status quo sucks.


If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?


Short George Carlin Quotes on Thanks Giving

On Thanksgiving, you realize you’re living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.


We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing


George Carlin Quotes on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is devoted to love. Why don’t we have a day devoted to hatred? The raw, visceral hatred that is felt every hour of the day by ordinary people, but is repressed for reasons of social order. I think it would be very cathartic, and it would certainly make for an exciting six o’clock news.


George Carlin Quotes on Cancer

The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.


If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.


Cancer research is a growth industry.


You show me something that doesn’t cause cancer, and I’ll show you something that isn’t on the market yet.


George Carlin Censorship Quotes

Censorship that comes from the outside assumes about people an inability to make reasoned choices.


George Carlin Quotes about Cats

Dogs and cats get put to sleep; hogs and cows get slaughtered.


If you’ve got a cat and a leg, you’ve got a happy cat. If you’ve got a cat and two legs, you’ve got a party.


Your dog thinks you’re a god. Your cat thinks the dog’s an asshole.


A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.


Short George Carlin Quotes on Death

Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!


Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.


I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.


Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.


George Carlin Quotes Freak Show

When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.


George Carlin Quotes about Food

The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn’t mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.


They mention that it’s a nonstop flight. Well, I must say I don’t care for that sort of thing. Call me old fashioned, but I insist that my flight stop. Preferably at an airport.


I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious.


On Thanksgiving, you realize you’re living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.


George Carlin Quotes There is no Present

“There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.”


George Carlin Quotes We Drink Too Much

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch tv too much. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.


Short George Carlin Quotes about Michael Jackson

“Why Michael Jackson Was the Greatest Ever,”


George Carlin Quotes Never Underestimate the Power

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.


Short George Carlin Quotes Weather Forecast

“Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.”


George Carlin Quotes on Jesus

If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?


Matt 13:57. Then Jesus told them, ‘A prophet is honoured everywhere except in his own hometown and among his own family.’ The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.


Other Quotes You May Like


There’s some invisible guy, up in the sky, who can kill you, because he loves you.


I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.