George Carlin Quotes

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?


Is there another word for synonym?


If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?


If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?


Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.


People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.


Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.


Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.


We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch tv too much. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.


What if there were no hypothetical questions?


Is there another word for synonym?


Let me get a sip of water here…you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don’t care, I drink it anyway. You know why? Because I’m an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. I’m a loyal American and I’m not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day.


It’s not in the mainstream media yet, but the biggest jump in skin cancer has occurred since the advent of sunscreens. That kind of thing makes me happy. The fact that people, in pursuit of a superficial look of health, give themselves a fatal disease. I love it when ‘reasoning’ human beings think they have figured out how to beat something and it comes right back and kicks them in the nuts. God bless the law of unintended consequences. And the irony is impressive: Healthy people, trying to look healthier, make themselves sick. Good!


We are all precancerous.


Meow” means “woof” in cat.